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Rewriting your inner child’s story is a simpler process than you might think!
These 4-steps to rewriting your inner child’s story is a powerful process to try when painful childhood memories resurface.
Sometimes these memories get triggered by something happening in the present and you find you’re emotionally thrown back into the feelings and headspace of a younger you. Other times they can come up during a meditation or guided journey because another layer is ready to be released as part of your healing journey to wholeness.
However they come into your awareness, they’re the memories you’ll have probably explored and possibly done a lot of healing work on in the past if you’re into personal development.
They’re the ones where you catch yourself saying “I thought I’d healed this!”
They offer you another trip around the spiral to see what happened to you in the past through a slightly different lens so that you get the learning and evolve.
These tend to be the key events which shaped you in some profound, but limiting way because you made the event mean something about you – eg that you’re not good enough, not worthy of love and happiness, not welcome, not allowed to do or be more, or not capable of achieving your goals and desires…
The impact of these events gets imprinted into your identity, and until you clear the imprint, you unconsciously act from this identity, whether you consciously believe in the limitations or not.
From my journey of being a healer, therapist and coach over the last 25 years, observing our capacity to heal ourselves never ceases to amaze me, and especially how quickly our lives can transform when we do the inner work to change the parts of our identity that don’t serve us.
Often a simple reframe or rewrite when working with your inner child can move the trajectory of your life towards greater happiness, abundance and satisfaction.
My traumatic experience of ‘Pass the Parcel’
One of my childhood traumas came up the other day. It’s had a lot of mileage over the years. It seems pretty inconsequential on the surface, but it’s had a huge impact on me.
It was my fifth birthday and I had a group of little friends round for a party in my back garden. We were playing ‘Pass the Parcel’.
This was a popular kid’s party game back then where a toy, or gift is wrapped up, and then layer upon layer of extra wrapping is added, along with another small gift or treat. When the game begins, the parcel resembles a big ball, and it gets passed from child to child while music is played. When the music stops, the child with the parcel gets to rip off a layer of wrapping and get the gift hidden in that layer. (Do kids still play this at parties? Let me know!)
In my situation, my dad was in charge of the music. His mission was to make sure that every child got a gift. Unfortunately for me, he took this role so seriously that when the parcel accidentally stopped with me a second time, my sheer delight at being so lucky to receive MORE, soon turned to inconsolable tears as he ripped it out of my hands and told me that I couldn’t win twice!
I hid myself in my playhouse and wouldn’t come out because I was so upset!
That seemingly small thing traumatised the sensitive little child I was.
Can you imagine the meaning I gave to that event and the beliefs I adopted…?
- I’m not allowed to receive more.
- I can’t have more than my fair share.
- Don’t ask for more.
- Don’t want more because you either won’t get it or it will be taken from you.
- Abundance is not for you.
- Authoritative masculine energy takes away abundance.
- Be wary of masculine energy because it will squash your joy and rein you in…
I’m sure there are more, but you get the gist!
Fortunately, these stories are not fixed, even if it seems like things are never going to change.
The transformation hack below that I’ve used in different ways over the years to dissolve the layers of meaning and false identity that come as a result of imprinted stories like this one is quite easy to do, and you could apply a similar process yourself when needed.
Here’s my simple 4-steps to rewriting your inner child’s story
1. Validate and reassure your inner child
In a relaxed, meditative state, connected to your heart, imagine going into that memory as your present day self and supporting your inner child in any way they most need – hugging them, holding their hand, stroking their hair, consoling them and giving them loads of understanding and love so that they feel safe, protected, seen and acknowledged for what just happened. Basically, whatever you feel you needed at the time and never got.
Emotions can be high for your inner child, but as the observer of your own past event you can be present, yet detached from being pulled into the story, and hold space for younger you.
2. Encourage your inner child to express what wasn’t said
When your inner child feels reassured, let them know that they are safe to express anything they need to, especially towards any other person who they felt hurt by or who caused them harm. The other person/people involved can only listen and not say anything back without permission.
Then give your inner child the space to rant, yell, scream, speak or communicate however they need to, and to completely empty everything out so that nothing is left unsaid about how what happened made them feel. Let this be as messy and unsophisticated as it needs to be because it comes from the viewpoint of a child.
3. Check in
When they feel complete, check in with how they’re feeling. Do they need anything else? If so, keep listening, validating and reassuring. Also, notice if the other person in the scene has anything to say that will be beneficial for your inner child to hear. If so, let them speak – an apology can be very healing in some circumstances, but if nothing is forthcoming, move onto step four.
4. Get creative and rewrite the story
Get creative and change the story to one that feels more empowering, that un-creates the meanings that were made and dissolves the limiting beliefs that were taken on as a result of the event. When you get a vision of what you would like to have happened instead, stay with the feelings and energy of the new ‘memory’ and let it flood through you, changing your identity at a cellular and energetic level.
To illustrate: My story rewritten
The rewrite I did for myself on this 5th birthday memory was to imagine myself receiving the parcel twice, only this time my dad was celebrating in my good fortune. Plus, there were lots and lots of sweeties in that layer of wrapping paper and I was able to share them with all the children, so everyone was really happy and it felt very abundant. After, my dad gave me a massive long hug and told me how much he loved me, how proud he was of me and how I deserved all good things to come to me.
As I lay there going through this process, I felt a deep shift as restrictions and rules to having abundance were lifted and permission to receive unlimited good with the full blessing from my dad were coded into me.
It felt amazing and very healing to be embraced, celebrated and loved in that moment by the protective, loving, strong, supportive masculine energy of my dad that made me feel safe, deserving of good things and inherently worthy.
Little me – aged about 3 years old
It might sound too simplistic to make much of a difference to your day to day life, but I can assure you after many years of doing healing work with people, I use this technique (or something similar) time and time again because it is extremely powerful for bringing about permanent positive change.
So why not give it a try when you have a memory come up from a guided meditation, for example? That could be a safe time to experiment.
But do take care and don’t push beyond your edges if a memory is still too painful or scary to go into alone. If a memory still has a lot of charge then the danger might be that you’ll lose your detached perspective and re-identify with the child version of you back in the trauma.
So if something is too big for you on your own, then let someone else who is a trained practitioner and has the capacity to hold safe space, guide you through the process so you can meet your shadows, bring light into them and transform them.
If you have any blocks, self-sabotage or fears that are getting in the way of you living your best life, perhaps there are some unhealed aspects of your childhood story still unconsciously influencing and limiting you.
If you’d like my help to heal, release and transform your stories then do reach out.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to make lasting, positive change, and you’d like to work with your powerful Higher Self to move through any inner obstacles, saboteurs or abundance blocks, why not arrange a complimentary Possibility Call here.
Hello! I’m Cathy, I’m an intuitive transformational coach, healer and spiritual guide for women who want to live more authentically, more abundantly and more in flow by working with their spiritual power, so that they can create a life they love on their own terms.
Email: connect@cathyballard.com
Facebook: Cathy Ballard Transformation Coaching
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